Last week, I was dealing with some deliberating anxiety, which is unusual when one bothers to take in the bigger picture.
I am someone who has dealt with anxiety for the majority of my life -- that was, until I cured my hyperthyroidism, cut down on smoking, began fasting, and found God. Since then, my anxiety has been non-existent, if not at a minimum.
Why, then, was I experiencing such intensely negative emotions during the absolute best I've ever been?
I confided to my husband about it... I told him about how earlier that day, I had seen a post from an influencer that I follow; she is a mom who lost her 9-year-old daughter to cancer. She was talking about the reunion with that daughter -- what will it be like? -- when someone commented that she "still needed to be here for her other children."
The mom did not say much, but what she did say was enough:
"They will be there as well! Jesus is coming soon..."
I am not an emotional person (granted, I have no issues crying when it is called for, a sad movie, etc.), but I broke down thinking about the weight of that mom's words.
My body shook. We will never know when it will arrive; could it be tomorrow? If it was tomorrow, do I honestly believe that I would be saved?...
The thought popped into my head, of repenting for all of my sins (that I can recall, anyway), and I was immediately filled with a sense of peace. I felt calm.
Sure, I am "doing everything right" now, but I have never actually attempted to try to atone for all of my past sins. And if I will stand before God to explain all of my thoughts and actions someday anyway, then why not just start doing it now?! 🤷♀️
So, here is my list of sins! 🙏 I have no issues sharing all of it (mostly because -- now that I can look back on it -- I really haven't committed anything too grievous). Of course, these are only the ones that have come to mind thus far. For example, I have stolen things once or twice in the past, from loved ones and a store, but I can't recall specifics. So I obviously plan on adding more to the list as they come to mind.
For another thing, what technically counts as a sin? We have the Ten Commandments, but what about errors that occur on a daily basis? What about modern 21st century things that the Bible could not write down? What about vices, the "seven deadly sins," negative emotions and thoughts? Technically speaking, "sin" means "to fall short of something," so should I simply repent for every and anything?...