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I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
https://steemitimages.com/DQmQHdAngDzffmzZcTRKZbKp3koHurnn7xBL9N441C7DrMw/calendar-funny-clipart-clipartfest-cool-house-images.jpg - I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
- I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
[IMAGE: https://steemitimages.com/DQmbZC4yFT7wvtmkPxktsTmgbtFKngTXhyYqHZQqmKPw5fr/died%20from%20not%20sending%20text.png]
Image - https://www.tumblr.com/search/funny%20headstone
- A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
- I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.
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A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
https://steemitimages.com/DQmRVe9umqMcGmu7jQrSg3Fhwc2mkviEBu5NkyfD7955tjF/ToucanPigeon%20pun.jpg -
My friend commented that my clothes looked pretty gay. Well, said I, they did come out of the closet...
- Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
- I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na...
https://steemitimages.com/DQmdY3JSzEZAFaxRWRCKLrm4FH4q14Zu3ATi3Ng4wExBi3Q/cat%20sodium%20joke%20meme.jpg
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My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.
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The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
[IMAGE: https://steemitimages.com/DQmX2etzDuPUbrHJQ1hZoNEZhY376VPqr97Ac4BiusuyLwb/man%20camoflaged%20in%20couch.jpg]
Image https://www.littlethings.com/human-camouflage/
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I opened the refrigerator door earlier and the mayonnaise yelled "Close the door, I'm dressing."
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When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
[IMAGE: https://steemitimages.com/DQmbcQhcy92xQJ7CZ9x62nAR2SUNYvYkAXrpemsYAbjupp3/cannibal%20little%20girl%20bigger.jpg]
Image - https://imgflip.com/i/mq839
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Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
[IMAGE: https://steemitimages.com/DQmTwisx19dDwbxQGrm1CN3Fn9nZC2rQ3U7ix21fr2HW7om/elevader%20bigger.jpg]
Image - Original Harlem Shake Darth Vader Elevator Prank Youtube
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This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.
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Camping is an extreme pastime. It's in tents.
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Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
