Punday Monday 248

BY: @improv | CREATED: April 5, 2022, 1:51 a.m. | VOTES: 66 | PAYOUT: $12.43 | [ VOTE ]

Welcome to Punday Monday!

We’re now posting in Comedy Open Mic: https://peakd.com/c/hive-164166/created, and thanks to @amirtheawesome1, the winner will receive 2HBD from them!

tl;dr

Make a pun about the topic of the week,
This week’s topic is Easter and/or Passover.
Here's how to make a pun, if you don't know: https://peakd.com/contest/@improv/puns-and-prizes-learn-to-pun-easy-fun-anybody-can-be-a-hit-at-parties

[IMAGE: https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/improv/dIUT1B8B-image.png]

New To Punday?

Pull up a stool, order a spiked PUNch, and get to know some of the regulars. I'm your PUNtender, @improv.

How To Make a Pun

This contest is open to everyone. Here's a handy dandy guide on how to make a pun: Learn to Pun

Rules for the PUN-test:

If you hope to win a prize [1 100% upvote per punster, 1 HSBI for a win, 2 HBD for the winner from Comedy Open Mic thanks to @amirtheawesome1], your pun must be your original work
Puns must be relevant to the topic of the week to win a prize, but they can be very loosely related.

Last Week's Punday Monday:

Here is last week's Punday Monday, and all the puns that were eligible to win this week are in the comments!

Hang on to your PUNderwear. The Winner of This Week's PUNday Monday Is...

OH, WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE FOR YOU?

How’s THIS:

Best Pun...
Best Pun of the Entire Week...
Best Overall Pun (click it)...

DRUMROLL PLEASE…..

Omg so many good ones this week.

I had an involuntary cringe and groan and laugh all in one when I read @kitty4d’s! So they win!

This Week's Pun Topic Is:

Easter and/or Passover
As in,
Annie and Andy were talking about the resurrection. “How many big rocks would you want put in front of your grave caves, Andy?” she asked.
“Grave Caves?”
“Well, yeah or I guess yours would be small, so there’d only be one grave cave.”
“Even one would be tomb, Annie.” He responded.

I'm So Good at Puns

If you've never punned before, it might seem like magic! You can do it, too! Learn how in My Free How-To Guide on Punning!

Replies

@theabsolute | April 5, 2022, 4:59 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

What did Santa say to the Easter Bunny while he was riding in his sleigh?

"Come on, hop in!"

@theabsolute | April 5, 2022, 5:01 a.m. | Votes: 3 | [ VOTE ]

What happened when the Easter Bunny lost all of his eggs? He became unhoppy.

@theabsolute | April 5, 2022, 5:10 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

There was a ball at Matt Soh's house, but I was told to leave when I said his girlfriend was flat

@hopestylist | April 5, 2022, 5:46 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

I don't know about pun, I'll try out reading About it was through those links.

@worldstories | April 5, 2022, 7:05 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

Enjoy playing with eggs, by hitting your friend's head and then fry it easily🍳

@doctorcrypto | April 5, 2022, 9:31 a.m. | Votes: 3 | [ VOTE ]

I remember one time around Easter I was partying with a group of friends.
There was Mary of Magda Lane, John, Anna (who always wore pantyhose) and myself.
It was a Saturday night and we were hitting up all the pubs on the Jeru side of Salem.

We got so drunk that in the wee hours of the morning, we were crawling on hands and knees wasted drunk. My hands still hurt...Talk about a palm Sunday.

All of a sudden, John collapsed and we couldn't get him to wake up.
The girls start freaking out and I'm trying to wake him up.
As the Anna runs off to get some help, John starts to regain consciousness and wakes up. So I yell out....
Hose Anna he has risen!

@kennysplash | April 5, 2022, 10:15 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

Mr Philips got his son a wooden bike as Easter gift. It has wooden tyres, wooden engine, wooden frame.
But the son cannot ride it...because it wooden start.

@theabsolute | April 6, 2022, 2:47 a.m. | Votes: 0 | [ VOTE ]

!LOL

@lolzbot | April 6, 2022, 2:48 a.m. | Votes: 0 | [ VOTE ]

lolztoken.com
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward?A receding hare line. Credit: marshmellowman@kennysplash, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @theabsoluteUse the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ. (1/4)

@kennysplash | April 5, 2022, 10:24 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

The chickens in Banana Island are not mating, hence they are neither laying eggs nor having chicks.
So I thought of starting a dating agency to connect chickens of both gender in the city.
However, I still struggled to make hens meet.

@cmplxty | April 5, 2022, 11:14 a.m. | Votes: 3 | [ VOTE ]

Sounds like the puns have really gotten popular that’s awesome :D we all need some fun and laughs!

For this week:

I have a buddy who’s Jewish and he’s not the best looking chap around. He’s on the dating scene and didn’t have a lot of luck lately but he did get a change. He met this really cute girl and was chatting her up. This big muscle dude comes over and tries to steal her away but she deflected him to stay with my buddy! He was practically floating that he didn’t get Pass(ed) Over for the big guy. They’re going on 6 months now the two of them.

@theabsolute | April 6, 2022, 3:01 a.m. | Votes: 0 | [ VOTE ]

!LOL

@lolzbot | April 6, 2022, 3:02 a.m. | Votes: 0 | [ VOTE ]

lolztoken.com
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?There was nothing left but de Brie.Credit: reddit@cmplxty, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @theabsoluteUse the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ. (2/4)

@theabsolute | April 10, 2022, 12:04 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

I knew a Jewish guy who was in a bit of a pickle so I tried to help him out. He didn't want my help though. He said it is wasn't kosher.

@cmplxty | April 10, 2022, 1:24 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

Lol kosher can be a pain in the balls!

@zeraton | April 5, 2022, 11:35 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

Easter Bunny: My fellow Rabbits! Gather around! It is finally time for annual, and most egg-citing, Easter egg hunt of the Year!

Angry Bunny: Jeez Easter, can you can it down with the egg puns. Please!

Happy Bunny: Common Angry, can't you take a yolk?

Humor Rabbit: Yeah... what's the deal Angry? Everyone loves to hare Easter puns:)

Angry Bunny: That's it! If I hear one more easter egg pun, I'm gonna...

Easter Bunny: Alright, alright everyone settle down. Let's leave Angry alone and begin with the egg hunt shall we!

Angry Bunny: Sheesh... Thank you!

Easter Bunny: Oh and Angry!... Before we start...

Angry Bunny: What now?...

Easter Bunny: Oh nothing, just wanted to wish you Good luck that's all. Make sure to break an egg out there buddy :)

@kitty4d | April 5, 2022, 12:18 p.m. | Votes: 4 | [ VOTE ]

thank you :D

so this time of year is a very solemn time for me. but there is one special memory i have. i was playing with my friend out in the front yard one early spring. i guess like 2007. my friend was saying how the big bunny came and really was quite a savage rabbit. i was curious and i asked what he meant. he said the bunny must just hate his autumn, cause he slapped it really hard. i was confused. "your autumn?" he said, yeah, but it was a weird love-hate relationship. i didn't know what in the heck he was talking about. he said "yeah, cause then he just ran his mouth over my easter for what must've 'een 10 minutes. i guess it helped with the pain tho." i was aggravated, my friend was just talking nonsense, and i threw dirt at him.

but then my friend started crying, horrible, big sobby tears. "i-i-i'm trying to tell you, this 'unny ra'it slapped me in the autumn and then li'gged me with his tongue right 'ack in my easter, and i don't know how to report him"

GET IT? the friend can't properly pronounce B's and K's. his bottom and his keister. the rabbit was abusing him!!

@hugetiny | April 5, 2022, 12:43 p.m. | Votes: 4 | [ VOTE ]

I have this friend who swears Jesus loved to smoke pot, but he couldn’t do it very often because it always gave him a raging boner that would show through his robe. My friend is convinced Jesus spent his 3 days chilling in the cave finally being able to get high as fuck. I asked him what his proof was. He said “The Shroud of Turin man, you can total, clearly see it.” I said “Come on man you can’t see that, it’s not a high resurrection.”

@kitty4d | April 5, 2022, 9:07 p.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

low poly gon' make me start sweatin'

@hugetiny | April 5, 2022, 9:19 p.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

*The Shroud of Turin is way too low res to be able to see if Jesus had a pot-induced erection

@theabsolute | April 10, 2022, 12:01 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

I heard Jesus was a pretty nice guy, just don't cross him

@diebitch | April 5, 2022, 7:04 p.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

I'm re-making old classics but with a religion twist. Imagine Shawshank Ressurection
So Jesus says "Hop is a good thing, maybe the best of things and a good thing never dies

@thequizshow | April 5, 2022, 7:55 p.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

What is the ending to every fairy tale involving the Easter bunny?
And they lived hoppily ever after. The end.

@elementm | April 8, 2022, 1:25 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

Due to a small (but significant) typo, nobody could follow the Faster Bunny closely enough to find any eggs.

@quinnertronics | April 8, 2022, 5:50 a.m. | Votes: 3 | [ VOTE ]

One Easter, I stayed up late drinking some of the Easter Bunny's home brew-an IPA. At first he didn't want to divulge his proprietary blend, but after a few- He opened up and revealed that the secret ingredient to his beer was lots of hops.

@theabsolute | April 10, 2022, 12:06 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

It was the special yeaster blend

@quinnertronics | April 10, 2022, 2:13 a.m. | Votes: 2 | [ VOTE ]

https://youtu.be/v51st4hgS54

@theabsolute | April 10, 2022, 3:44 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

I love how quickly this went to yeast infections

@lordtimoty | April 9, 2022, 8:02 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

Hey improv? Do you know why the Easter Bunny has a bald spot between his ears? It's just his receding hair/hare line.

@doctorcrypto | April 10, 2022, 3:36 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

During my last passover feast, I traded my egg for my cousin's horseradish. I can't stand eggs and my cousin hates bitter herbs.

You could say there was some sort of in sater trading.

@quinnertronics | April 10, 2022, 9:34 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

Wine is good during lent, but sometimes I just want to have a few 40 days[IMAGE: https://media.tenor.com/images/c61ecb8b53fbd31cabbad69fe3950619/tenor.gif]

@quinnertronics | April 10, 2022, 9:38 a.m. | Votes: 1 | [ VOTE ]

My oldest boy didn't want to go to church this morning, so I gave him a smack. It is palm son day, after all.

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