Today was for the major part uneventful but towards the tail end i had a quite interesting conversation with a very close friend regarding the quote from the movie “Perks of being a Wallflower” and it was about the quote "We accept the love we think we deserve." I used to see the quote a lot but never really thought much about it or dwelled on it but then as time goes by and experiences vasten and life happens. You basically watch people stay in relationships that drain them. You see friends constantly making excuses for partners who do the bare minimum. You witness intelligent, capable people settling for treatment they would never advise others to accept, its like they are blinded. Sometimes, if you are honest enough with yourself, you realize you have done the same.
I used to think people accepted poor treatment because they didn't recognize it was poor treatment, maybe, just maybe I thought the problem was awareness. Surely if someone knew they deserved better, they would simply leave. Surely if they understood their worth, they would demand more, maybe even from somewhere else, but human beings are more complicated than that.
If deep down you believe you are worthy of kindness, you will naturally expect kindness. If you believe your feelings matter, you will expect them to be considered. If you believe your presence has value, you will not spend your life begging people to appreciate it. The problem is that many people carry invisible wounds, they carry so much emotional baggage with them that it weighs down their self esteem without them even knowing it or acknowledging it.
Some grew up in homes where affection was conditional. Some were constantly criticized until they began to believe they were difficult to love and it was always their fault. Some experienced betrayal from loved ones or people they once let in, so often that disappointment became normal. Over time, these experiences shape expectations and ultimately expectations become standards.
That is why someone can remain in a relationship where they are ignored, disrespected, or constantly hurt, because in some twisted way a part of them has come to believe that this is simply what love looks like. The saddest thing about low self-worth is not that it makes you hate yourself, it quietly lowers your standards. It convinces you that effort is asking for too much, It makes you grateful for crumbs when you should be expecting a meal.
Ultimately the truth remains that healthy love starts long before another person enters the picture. It starts with the relationship you have with yourself. The boundaries you set and standards you maintain. The value you place on your own time, and emotions.
People often talk about finding the right person, but not enough people talk about becoming the kind of person who believes they deserve the right kind of love and the result i believe is you stop confusing attention with affection, and perhaps most importantly, become willing to walk away from what diminishes you, i know most people have this thought of will i meet someone else if i let go.
The love we accept is often a reflection of the value we assign to ourselves. If we want healthier relationships, better friendships, and more meaningful connections, the work begins internally. Not with finding someone who loves us more.